What You Wanted to Know About FEAR but were Too Afraid to Ask

“Be Bold. Have A Good Courage.”

You may or may not find the quoted phrase of much significance, but for me, no other phrase is more sacrosanct. Essentially, these words (I will use “words” going forward rather than “phrase” because “words” seem to have better connotation) have shaped my thinking, molded me, and define me. In short, these words have been instrumental in helping me accomplish whatever little I have accomplished in my life. The emphasis is on little because my accomplishments have been scant and nothing to brag about.

Why the profound effect on me of these words? The story:

For about 20 years, my father would write to me almost every week. I was less diligent, writing just about once a month. Each of his letters was signed as follows:

Be Bold. Have a Good Courage.
Affectionately,
father

During our conversations also, he would often repeat these words.

As a child and young adult, I did not comprehend the impact these words were having on me. Of course, as is typical of teens and the naïve, I was also somewhat arrogant and brash those days. And, I think, also a little bit more rebellious than what is generally considered normal for people in that age group. Quite likely, and I will not deny it, at times I may have also ridiculed these words as the gibberish of an old, senile person. But honestly, and very probably, that is not true. I have no recollection, however feeble, of such thoughts ever crossing my mind.

The words, I now realize, were subliminally building my courage; my resilience, and my character. In hindsight, and now that I am a little bit wiser (hopefully!), I believe these words:
* have inspired me to take responsibility for my life;
* have bolstered my risk taking abilities;
* have encouraged me to explore new avenues; try seemingly impossible things;
* have frequently aroused my curiosity;
* have prepared me to confront any situation and to persevere in the face of adversity;
* have given me the confidence to talk to anyone, anytime, and anywhere;
* have prodded me to travel to places where many would fear to tread;
* have enabled me to see opportunities where seemingly none existed;
* have challenged me to tackle uncertainties, not surrender to them;
* have instilled in me the audacity to not only dream big but pursue them persistently.

Subconsciously, these words and the relentless manner in which he always incited me to achieve more, take risks, and conquer my fears have been dominant in shaping my personality. In narrating the impact of these words on me, I may be exaggerating somewhat but, trust me, the smoke is not arising without any fire. And lest you think I am exceptional in any way, let me clarify I harbor no such fallacy. I am just an average (or even below) dude with my share of weaknesses and shortcomings. Lack of courage, albeit, is not one of them.

Fear is not only insidious but much worse

Of all human emotions, fear is probably the most insidious and nefarious. (For purposes of this article, I am only referring to mental (or emotional) fear and not physical fear. In certain situations, physical fear proves beneficial).
My father, fully aware of how debilitating mental fear can be, was making sure I was not subdued by it.

Fear tends to sneak upon us very slyly. Eventually, it dwells within us without our realizing that it has comfortably secured a place in our psyche. Restrained by fear, we justify our actions (or inactions) by asserting self-defeating excuses like “it is only wise to be cautious;” or “I do not like changes;” or “better to be safe than sorry.” We refuse to admit that our actions (or inactions) are being dictated by fear. Rather, under the pretense of managing risk, disguising our fears as prudence, we nurture and reinforce our fears. In doing so, we sabotage our careers, let opportunities pass us by, deny ourselves even simple pleasures, and unknowingly, create a pernicious environment around us. By restraining ourselves, we jeopardize our growth, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn, and we fail to acquire new skills.
Before any misunderstandings arise, let me clarify that I am not advocating that we act brazenly, recklessly, or indiscriminately. I guess this is what my father also implied by saying “have good courage.” We should be mindful of the risks we assume, but we should not be paralyzed by fear and seek the easy way out. Such behavior can, will, and always leads to the destruction of our ambition, of our capabilities and our happiness. Fear makes us procrastinate, robs us of our initiative, clouds our judgment, and prevents us from expanding our comfort zone.
Fear is almost always irrational. Unlike phobia, which is more of an anxiety disorder, fear is a learned behavior. Confronted by a threat, we tend to invoke fear as a survival mechanism when in actuality, most often, the threat is only perceived and not real. Refusing to act because we fear failure, avoid speaking in public because we fear ridicule, hesitate to ask for a date because we fear rejection, not ask for a promotion or a salary raise because we fear rebuke are all examples of irrational fears. When we live in fear, we do not actually “live,” we merely exist.

Summary

Fear and overconfidence are the greatest impediments to our success. Repression of fear is not the solution because by doing so, slowly but surely, we diminish ourselves. If we want to grow, enjoy life, and utilize our capabilities to the fullest extent we need to eliminate fear from within us. And while we should be confident, we should never ever be overconfident.

Like other learned behaviors, fear too can be unlearnt. It will be difficult, but not impossible. What will be more difficult is first acknowledging we have fear within us and then embarking on the journey to free ourselves from its clutches.

Life is Precious. Live Well.

EPILOGUES:

1. My father is unable to write now because Alzheimer’s has demented his mental faculties. I miss his letters. We are unable to meet often either because of the physical distance separating us (he lives in Kolkata, India & I live in San Diego, CA). I do try to travel to Kolkata as often as I can (usually every 8–9 months) to spend as much time as I can with him and my mother. Though he does not repeat these words anymore, one solace is that he at least recognizes me and is aware that I live in the US. When we meet, the conversations mostly revolve around (a) when did I come? (b) when will I return to San Diego? and (c) what do I do for a living? I have to answer these questions several times a day. At times irritating, I relish them realizing that one day, I might yearn to just hear his voice, longing to hear him say something, anything!
2. While this article is about FEAR, in equal measure, it is also a tribute to my parents (large image). Though I have not attributed any phrase or words in this article to my mother, her contributions in our (mine and my siblings) upbringing have not been insignificant. Actually, she has toiled even harder than my father in bringing us up. In her own distinctive manner, she continues to teach us about life and the importance of living a purposeful life. My siblings and I unanimously agree that we can never adequately express our gratitude to them, no matter how hard we try. If I could meet even half of their expectations, I would feel better, but I have failed in doing so. I have not been able to accomplish even an iota of what they have.

3. The article is also a tribute to (a) all courageous men and women (military personnel, firefighters, police, etc.) who sacrifice their personal lives and the lives of their loved ones so that others can live in peace and safety; (b) to those courageous men and women who do not shy away from endangering their own lives to save the lives of others; (c) to entrepreneurs and business owners who have the courage to pursue their dreams; and (d) to all executives of corporations who manage their companies efficiently and provide a livelihood to thousands of people. I salute and honor you all.

4. This article delineates FEAR but does not address how to recognize it or overcome it. Those details could be covered in sequels if there is sufficient reader interest. Please leave a comment below if you have an interest in follow-up article(s) on the subject.

The (Not-So) Fine Print:

About my articles: My articles do not make for easy reading because they are written to make the reader pause and think. In writing, my goal is not merely to inform but provide a perspective; not teach but educate; and not to dispense advice but lay the groundwork for fertile exchange of ideas and opinions. I will mostly write on Business Strategies (tag line: Business is Strategy. Play Well.) and on Personal Development (Life is Precious. Live Well.). Most of my posts will focus on these areas, but occasionally, I may wander just for a change of pace. While I cannot be certain that you will enjoy my articles, I can guarantee that I will express my mind fearlessly, without being restrained by social, political, religious, or professional norms that seem inane to me. And while I am not expecting you to agree with my views, I hope I am able to provide a different perspective. I would love to know if I am succeeding in these objectives. Your comments below will be highly appreciated.

Credits & Appreciations
1. The illustrations accompanying this article were created on www.canva.com. I thank and appreciate the friendly folks at Canva for creating an easy to use but a very versatile platform for creating graphics and illustrations. With a little effort, even amateurs like me are becoming designers!

2. The photograph of the “Tomb of the Unknown Soldier” is a Creative Commons image on www.flickr.com.
Photography: Mark Fischer
URL: http://bit.ly/1gQsEQT
License Rights: http://bit.ly/1oMv8B7
Thank you Mark for allowing your creative work to adorn our articles!