A Pandemic More Widespread and More Sinister than COVID-19
The COVID-19 pandemic, irrefutably, has hindered the lives of each and every one of us regardless of where in the world we live. It has impacted the way we socialize; our attitudes towards others; our ability to make a living; strained the health system with hospitals overcrowded and underfunded and health professionals overworked; and whirled the global economy into chaos and uncertainty.
Suddenly, we find ourselves locked in our houses and hesitant to step out lest we get infected by the virus. We refrain from visiting family and friends, and on the very few occasions we do, we maintain a distance rather than hugging and kissing them. Gestures of affection and intimacy are now considered unsafe and met with disdain.
While the spread of the coronavirus will be contained at some point, either because a vaccine is developed or the strains die a natural death due to passage of time, it is highly unlikely that our lives will return entirely the way it was prior to the pandemic. Some of the changes ushered into our lives are likely to become permanent.
While the dangers of COVID-19 are real and should not be underestimated, there is another pandemic that has been afflicting societies long before this and there is no evidence that this pandemic will be ever contained. What is worse is that there is absolutely no chance that a vaccine can be developed to combat this pandemic because this is not a disease that can be treated by medication though it could be suppressed for short periods of time, often with detrimental side effects.
Imagine a condition so bad for your health that it:
- increases the likelihood of mortality by 26%;
- affects the health as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day;
- increases the risk of developing obesity, high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, and stroke;
- expedites the progression of physical and mental frailty;
- destroys cognitive abilities, and accelerates the onset of dementia, depression; and other crippling diseases; and
- hurts the ability to recover from cancer.
(research adapted from the website of “Campaign to End Loneliness,” a UK based non-profit organization
If you think no such condition exists or can ever exist, you are mistaken. This condition is real, exists, and spreading rapidly. This condition is known as loneliness. It’s a pandemic born out of lack of intimacy and touch. The great American writer, Thomas Wolfe, said that “the essence of human tragedy is in loneliness.” While loneliness has been a threat to human lives ever since our existence, COVID-19, and the associated isolation it mandates, has further accelerated the spread of this pandemic.
It’s a pandemic born out of lack of intimacy and touch.
Research on Loneliness: One of the first researchers of the effects of loneliness on our health was Dr. John T. Cacioppo, founder of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago who, together with his colleague Dr. Gary Berntson, are considered to be co-founders of the field of Social Neuroscience, an interdisciplinary field devoted to understanding the relationship between social experiences and biological systems. In 2008, Dr. Cacioppo, with another colleague, Dr. William Patrick, published a book, Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, the central premise of which is that social cooperation is, in fact, humanity’s defining characteristic. Spending too much time alone, without meaningful interaction with other people, seriously damages a person’s emotional health.
In April of 2017, Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Brigham Young University, testifying before the U.S. Senate Committee on Aging, stated that “being connected to others socially is widely considered a fundamental human need — crucial to both well-being and survival. Extreme examples show infants in custodial care who lack human contact fail to thrive and often die, and social isolation or solitary confinement has been used as a form of severe punishment.” Around 2017, Dr. Vivek Murthy, former U.S. Surgeon General, began warning about the health effects of what he calls a “loneliness epidemic” and earlier this year, in April 2020, published his book, Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. Dr. Murthy begins by highlighting research showing that human beings evolved as “social beings” and isolation is not our natural state. “Humans have survived as a species,” he writes, “not because we have physical advantages like size, strength, or speed, but because of our ability to connect in social groups. We exchange ideas. We coordinate goals. We share information and emotions.” It follows that when we’re not routinely socializing, we feel that something is amiss. Further, he states that “researchers have found three “dimensions” of loneliness: “intimate” (wanting a spouse or confidant), “relational” (seeking close friendships), and “collective” (desiring a community with common interests). To thrive, we need to find the right approach to each of them, and loneliness can result if even one is left unfulfilled.”
Distinction between Loneliness, Social Isolation, and Solitude: Loneliness should not be confused with either “social isolation” or solitude. The difference between loneliness and social isolation was eloquently described by Dr. Carla Perissinotto, a geriatrician and palliative medicine physician at the University of California, San Francisco, who has been researching the health effects of loneliness and isolation in older adults for over 10 years. In her testimony, also to the U.S. Senate Special Committee on Aging on June 11, 2020, she clarified that social isolation relates to the quantifiable numbers of a relationships a person has with other people, whereas loneliness is the subjective feeling of being isolated — or the discrepancy between actual and desired relationships. To interpret, loneliness is a state where an individual desires intimacy and connections with other people but is denied the pleasure.
Social isolation is where an individual, often involuntarily and because of circumstances, avoids the company of other people. Social isolation can also lead to feelings of loneliness, fear of others, loss of confidence, and negative self-esteem. According to Dr. Perissinotto, “being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely, nor does being around people mean you’re not.” “Loneliness,” she continues, “is a feeling only the person experiencing it can truly identify.”
Solitude is a deliberate choice people make to spend time alone. People may exclude themselves from social activities and social contact for a brief period of time to either focus on a task, to be free from disturbance, as a time to reflect, or just for the sake of temporary privacy. Paul Tillich, an existentialist philosopher has described loneliness as “the pain of being alone” and solitude as “the glory of being alone.” The Stoic philosopher Epictetus perhaps said it best. His Dissertationes (Book 3, chapter 13) states “the lonely man (eremos) finds himself surrounded by others with whom he cannot establish contact or to whose hostility he is exposed. The solitary man, on the contrary, is alone and therefore ‘can be together with himself’ since men have the capacity of ‘talking with themselves.’ In solitude, in other words, I am ‘by myself,’ together with my self, and therefore two-in-one, whereas in loneliness I am actually one, deserted by all others.”
Steps to Alleviate Loneliness: Before we can solve any problem, we need to acknowledge that the problem exists. And that is the biggest challenge facing loneliness. Dr. Perissinotto says that “There’s a certain amount of stigma attached to any mental illness, but loneliness can be uniquely uncomfortable to talk about. It can feel like a personal failing to admit you don’t have the social network you want, and there’s a tendency for others to blame the victim.” Loneliness, as we have seen earlier, is the lack of connectedness people feel because they are either ignored by others or excluded by others. Thus, the very unfortunate fact is that people who can be instrumental in alleviating loneliness actually perpetuate it, largely because they may have developed an attitude of animosity towards the patient and distance themselves from that person. This is the most often cited cause of creating a feeling of loneliness.
Loneliness, thus, while it cannot be treated chemically, can be alleviated if loved ones change their attitude and create an atmosphere of congeniality. According to Dr. Murthy, “regular people have a vital role to play as individuals in reducing loneliness for themselves and others, in part by greater emphases on kindness and on nurturing relationships with others. The most effective approach then is for loved ones to become aware that it is their attitude that caused the feelings of despair to arise and to begin adopting a more affable attitude. Thereby, they can best help their family and friends rebuild connections. Some psychological interventions, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Behavioral Activation Therapy have also been effective tools in helping lonely people regain a sense of connectedness, at least with themselves if not with others. A sense of connectedness with self itself alleviates the sense of loneliness to a great extent. Dr. Holt-Lunstad says spending time with friends and loved ones is the most reliable remedy for social isolation. “There’s just something about being with others, and particularly others you trust or feel close to, that people require and rely on,” she says. There is also ample research demonstrating that when we are hugged and touched affectionately by others, oxytocin, a hormone, gets released in the brain. Called the hormone of love, it calms the mind, quelling feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, depression.
Loneliness does not affect just the elderly, the retired, or the unemployed. While these groups of people are most at risk, loneliness can and does affect anyone. A recent survey showed that 34% of millennials (a term used to describe people born between the years 1980 and 1994) said they “always or often” felt lonely. Stay at home orders and lockdowns in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic has only increased the number of people reporting a feeling of loneliness.
Loneliness can no longer be ignored. The increasing incidences of this pandemic is a serious threat to our well-being. To destroy loneliness, the least we can do is abandon our differences, our hostilities, and embrace a life of love, a life of unity, and behave like good family members towards one another. I am committed to this path. Will you join me?
Embrace a Life of Love
Life is Precious…Live Well
